Wednesday, May 20, 2009

from my heart

What a busy month of May! Life is never boring or dull, is it? School end is a few weeks away for us and I am looking forward to the summer!!

We actually are going to be able to take a trip to Orlando with Keith's family and the kids are SO excited. We knew they wanted to go to Disney, but we just figured it would never happen, so we never even talked about going. A church planter salary doesn't really allow for those extras...but God has blessed us through family to be able to take the trip.

For now, the kids and I are looking into curriculum for 2009 school year...Ivey will be in high school!! AGH!! And this may be my last year teaching Robby...yes, I have shed tears over this. He really wants to go to school and play football. This fall will be the last year he can play without being in school. Our hope is that he may can get some type of scholarship at some point.
But I will be teaching Elijah full time, so my schedule will not let up much. I am looking forward to it though!!

As much as I have missed keeping Harrison during the week, I have enjoyed the extra time I have to catch up on things around here. It also allows more time to spend out at Mom's. Ivey can ride and I can talk with her and Grandmommy. 

Mom is having a rough time.. some of it is dealing with paperwork stuff, most of it is dealing with grief. Folks, it is tough! I can't put into words how hard this is. It just stinks! Yes, I know..."he is much better off, he's in a better place" but that doesn't stop the grief, the tears, the heartache. It is very real and it consumes me. 
   There are nights when my mind will not leave me to rest. It now seems that I cannot go to sleep on my own. I lay there with my mind racing through the last day I saw Dad alive... well, actually he was struggling with death. I recall those last hours when he fought to breath. His chest rose and fell like mad. The noise coming from him sounded like a truck driving over a gravel road. It was the most disturbing noise I have ever listened to. We sat by his side, Mom in the bed with him, holding his hands, stroking his body, telling him it was okay to go, pleading with him to let go and we would be fine. All the while, I was thinking - "I WILL NOT BE FINE"! THIS IS NOT FAIR. I DON'T WANT MY FATHER TO DIE! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE! I DON'T WANT HIM TO GO. I WANT HIM TO BE FREE OF CANCER AND BE WITH ME. I CANNOT IMAGINE A DAY WITHOUT HIS HUGS.
I miss him so,I long for just one more smile from him, that assurance that he loves me and tells me that I am really sweet. I miss giving him haircuts and spending  those special times with him. 
I am angry that the world just continues on when I want to scream," don't you know that my Daddy is gone! Don't you know how much I miss him! How "lucky" you are if you have today to talk to your Daddy and hug him and hear him tell you he loves you! 
And on that last day with him, after much fighting on his part, my brother turned to me and motioned to Daddy and said, "he's going." I turned to see him slow down and finally stop breathing. And for a split second, there was no sound, no motion. Then we jumped up to catch the fluid coming from his mouth, to clean him up and spend those last few minutes with him before they came to take him away.
 After he died and we called the funeral home...I could not go back in the room. I could not bear to see him lifeless. I knew in my heart that he was gone, that what was left was just his worn out shell. 
I just needed my husband hold me. 

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Post about New City and the River walk festival

Go Green! Regatta and River Walk Festival

One of the joys of planting New City Church is the amazing opportunities we have to be an influence in our city. I say with praise to God alone that I have never seen anything like this. I have never even heard of anything like this!

To raise awareness of the beautiful resource that we have in the Ocmulgee River as well as to raise awareness and support for our city's River Walk, today was the First Annual Go Green Regatta and River Walk Festival. As the event was coming together, New City had an opportunity to help out by lining up all of the music for the festival. We took it.
High Energy Systems provided an incredible sound set up for us that made life simple for all of our musicians and put out perfect sound along the River! We easily lined up musicians to cover 8 sets - every musician was GREAT! We used some of our own - Beth Hyde, and one of our New City Bands - the other 6 slots were old friends and several new friends we have met from the city! One Bad Catholic played, along with Jared Wright (pictured), Dan Darden, Anny Stanley, Getrude's Mojo, and Tripp Spears. A great day!
Thanks to all who served (Russell, Bryan, Rich, JD) and all who performed! You made today a great celebration, and a great day for us to be with and for our city!

Friday, May 1, 2009

catching up

Life has been running at an extremely fast pace lately. I find myself with a few minutes at the beginning of the day to check email and maybe facebook, and then I don't see the computer again for the rest of the day. With 2 older kids to share it with, I have to wait my turn!! haha

Grief is a difficult thing. The loss of my Daddy is the hardest thing I have faced in quite sometime. I have dealt with infertility, the loss of the ability to have more children, the loss of grandparents, but this is by far the hardest. Seeing my Mom cry is unbelievably difficult. There is nothing that I can do to take away her pain, ease her is up to God to walk her through this. He is the only One who can help her...really. It breaks my heart to see her without her mate. She misses him so. The hugs and kisses, that one person you love to talk to...he is gone.
It makes my own grief harder.

On another note, I am looking at what I will do with my time and energy now that Helen has had her baby girl and decided to stay at home fulltime with her 2 kiddos. This extra income helps us with braces payment and riding lessons and horse shows. Not sure what God will lead me to do...maybe piano lessons, finally. I'll let you know!

Robby is right in the middle of baseball season and we are having such a good time watching him play. This has been a much more joyful year...different park, different coaches...much better!

I guess I will have to finish later...Keith needs his computer!